No turning back

I did something the other day that has opened the floodgate of acknowledgement and it wasn't nearly as terrifying as I have made it out to be all these years.

I have bugged every living soul at my work about my NANOWrimo contest this month, which I'm ahead of schedule by the way... 32,914 words to be exact. One friend in particular passed the info along to another I'm not much acquainted with, and when he asked me a literary questions, he said, "You're the writer, what do you think?" It was such a small moment, but oh so big, so very big. Huge. Enormous. Wonderful.

My cat is out of the bag. I will cherish that moment for a very long time.

It has been very difficult for me to even admit to myself that I could be a writer. Only my closest friends were in the "know" for so many years, and even then it was difficult to let them read what I wrote.

Growth!!! I'm showing growth!!! The mama bird has kicked her chick out of the nest and guess what!?! She figured out how to fly. :)

What makes this even more incredible for me, is the fact I was finally able to share it with my friends at church. That sounds kind of odd, I know, but it is a hangup I have had for a very long time. Nothing that they did of course, it was all me. (It usually is) I just never felt secure enough to bring it up, and one day I realized they didn't know me well enough to know to ask. But that wasn't their fault. I didn't let them know me... isn't that funny.

ANYWAY, my Sunday School teacher asked if anyone had any prayer requests or praise reports. No one said anything. He then asked, "Has no one had anything good happen to them this week?" I believe that was God's way of nudging me along. I spoke up and told them about my writer's group and the NANOWrimo contest. My teacher is actually a published author, which has been one of the reasons I've held back, silly I know, but that's the way it is... I think he was the most interested of all :). It as wonderful, and so liberating.

Even my mom has gotten on the bandwagon. Actually, my parents have always been there, just in their quiet ways. But she has made an effort to ask things like, "So, did you get any writing done?"

Warm and fuzzy is all I can say. This is a very good day.

Many a moon

It has been many a moon since I last dropped a line here. I love the way that sounds. Many-a-moon. It sounds old fashioned and weathered. Plus, I think it really describes how I feel at this moment, because it has been a while since I've blogged anything. Not that I have to catch up or keep track or meet a certain quota, but I feel like I've neglected it, and I always feel bad about neglecting things.

I have resisted the urge to blog, because I know I should be harnessing all my energy into the NANO WriMo 2006 contest. Blogging is not the only thing I'm neglecting. I haven't really participated with my critique group. While I have lost 30 lbs. since January 2006 (yeah!), I have not been keeping up with my Sparks People website. In fact, I feel guilty taking the time to do my check book on line, knowing I should be writing instead. My mother is wanting me to do some name doilies for her for Christmas presents, and her list keeps growing.

How pathetic does that sound? The funny thing is, I'm still having trouble getting words down on paper, and I'm finding alternative means to procrastinate. So all the neglect is really not doing my any favors!!!

I have a game-plan.

1) When I get done with my contest (which I am doing pretty good at. I hit the 20,000+ word mark last night) I'm going to focus on critiquing for the month of December. I have some really great critiquers that have done a bang-up job helping hammer out my corrections, and I need to reciprocate.

2) I'm going to re-evaluate the need for Sparks People. I feel I'm on the right track, so I don't need to track things so agressively. While I haven't lost any weight this last week, I have maintained very well. In fact, even though I can't see it in the mirror, I'm actually getting into clothes I could wear last year!

3) As for the doilies. They do not take very long, but it is difficult to meet my mother's standard at times. I do feel apprehension about the whole process. I'm just going to have to make a list, and do the best I can. Doilies are a silly reason to have an anxiety attack.

4) Something I hadn't mentions previously... I want to take an online writing course... fear of the unknown!!!!!!! I would say more, but I feel anxiety coming on even as I type.

So, I don't really know if it has helped to put this down into words, but here it is. It may be a while before I have time to groan again, so until then... Keep me in your prayers and God Bless...