Feeling Better

I'm feeling better today, although I'm still lolly-gagging around when I should be getting to work!

I had an interesting talk with my boss yesterday. It's weird to call her my boss, because I've known her for twenty years, and she's only three years older than me... but I digress... I can't tell her how much she has helped me this last year, because even though it's genuine, it sounds mushy and over-the-top when repeated. But she really has. Her no-nonsense compassion, her direct and honest opinions, and her compliments have really been refreshing and different.

I lived for 36 years with a wonderful, encouraging, thought provoking, yet surprisingly controlling mother who I absolutely adored without realizing she was only human. I worked with a woman for 19 years who had very much the same pull on me, only to find out her fear of life or the unknown outweighed everything else, including my security. I feel very foolish for letting her control me so long.

It's been hard to find my own way without both of my compasses, even as unhealthy as they were. That's why I so appreciate my new boss. Every time I forget I can do it on my own, she is there to remind me, in one way or another. It's kind of funny actually, because I've made some careless mistakes recently, just not slowing down enough to see things through properly, and even though I deserve a good reaming, and get one... she says things she doesn't realize mean the world to me. What stood out in our last conversation was: It would be different if you were new and just learning how to do this, but you've done it so long, and in some cases are the only person who knows how to do it, and you do it so well, I don't understand the mistakes... In my insecurities, I picked up and ran with "you do it so well". Even when I'm getting a very deserved criticism, I'm still appreciated.

That's all we ever want... is to be appreciated... makes me want to slow down and pay better attention.