Too deep for me

I'm going to pretend that this isn't a new entry to a very old blogspot. It's three years later and there are so many different things going on, but everything seems pretty much the same. I've done some major growing up since I first blogged. Some good and some bad. If I had it to do all over again, I would have ran for the hills and never looked back! Of course with my family in tow...

It's been good, it's been bad, it's been very bad, and then it's been good again.

Life is truly what you make it and I've been treading water far too long. I don't want to come back here in another three years and realize I haven't done anything new.

You know that fantasy I was working on? Well, I'm still working on it. I did send it to a publishing company and recieved my first ever rejection letter. As far as rejection letters go it was a really good one. They gave me some areas to work on, and I'm on my 5th or 6th rewrite. I've lost track.

I have a writer's conference to go to at the end of this month. I AM PROCRASTINATING big time. There is an editor that's going to be there that likes fantasy, and even says to bring a 1 page synopsis. I could so totally do this, but I'm really leaning toward sticking my head in the sand. I'm feeling it, so I might as well admit it.

What is my worst fear? Failure.
What is my second worst fear? Success.

Disect that one for me.

I want to believe all the stuff that I spout, and I do believe it, but then again, it's easier said than done. It's so easy to let fear paralyze you. Just freeze and pray that it's over quickly. But then again, I could just pray to see it through... God has answered so many prayers for me. This really isn't any different, and yet it's my life... my whole inner being... if I just hang on to the dream and not do anything with it, than I still have it... but if I do something with it, then I have to come out of my shell and expose myself to the world.

I've had enough exposure to last me a life time, thank you very much... yet, this is different--and better.

There is nothing to fear, but fear itself... isn't that the truth.